profound stupidity knows no bounds

recently some of us attended the 2007 san francisco rod, custom, and motorcycle show held at the CowPalace. This show is what remains of the old oakland roadster show. That venue having sold off its name and now moved to pomona by the new owners. (as if SoCal needed ANOTHER big show) In any event, we observed attendance on saturday to be about what you would expect for a show like this. Admission was 16.00 for adults, and once into the building you were treated to exactly what you would expect from a show like this. A host of horribly overdone, never gonna see anything but the back side of a car hauler pimp wagons that few, if any of the attendees could ever even hope to afford for themselves. Yes it was a virtual smorgasboard of stupidity boys and girls. So much of the work, as beautiful as it may have been was just so very pointless. Automotive equivilants to a Jim Carey movie. All that having been said, you kinda expect to go into a place like that and see a bunch of guys who have more money than brains display cars like this. We huredly passed through the main floor, headed in favor for the "suede rods and customs" area. The area Presumably set asside by the show producers for the more kind of automotive fare we would enjoy. -quick side note here, there WAS an area just for bikes, however, the fucking discovery channel idiots were insistant on doing several live on stage bike builds this weekend, so to avoid what surely would have turned into a blood bath had we set foot into THAT fucking room, we just avoided it altogether....
So, back to us heading to the "cool cars"....
We arrive and find much to our surprise, that for the most part, there were some pretty decent cars to be had in the hall. However, our cautious optimisum was oh so quickly dashed, when we found the car pictured here. It seems stupidity knows no bounds, and certainly is no longer restricted to the big buck guys. Yes, here we have proof positive that even the suede brigade has gotten its fair share of guys without a clue. Unfortunate for them. Usually as before when we say something critical of the big boys its something like hey they have more money than brains...in the low buck no buck catagory of rat rods what do you say then? hey this stupid fucker has NO money AND no brains. Maybe he should take up child molesting. Certainly a few permanently emotionally scared children are worth the price of never seeing something like this again isnt it?
We think it is.
What is it with these people that get up in the morning and think to themselves; fuck, I just HAVE to put lambo doors on my caddy today? Tell ya what sparky, jump into your mid 80's chevy van, (you know the one with no windows and hard to read license plates) and go cruise a local grade school will ya? cause you have NO buisiness anywhere near a tool box and a car at the same time. Seeing this kinda thing makes us want to poprivet your nuts to a backhoe you clueless shitbag horse humping moron!
Do us all a favor and stay away from our kulture.
For some more pix that arent TOTALLY gay, go here:
http://s119.photobucket.com/albums/o147/kulturekops/

Rat Rods ,64 Mustangs,68 Camaros and faggots.

When I am in public and the regular folks see me dressed the way I do, they think in their head " Hmmm he looks like a car guy. What can I say to him so he will see that I like cars too?" Invariably the conversation goes almost verbatim like this:

"So you are into cars? Well I have a car that you're gonna LOVE! My
(neighbor, brother, sister, cousin, whatever) has a ( 68 camaro or
64 mustang)! Its got a tubbed rearend and a huge hood scoop!"
Huh?
Somewhere along the way pre-conversation, they must have fallen and hit their head.
I dont like ANY of that. NONE!
So my gut is to say - "Fucking dumbass! Why would I like that SHIT?
I build kustoms, not PILES OF SHIT!
Honestly, if I can't get that image out of my head in the next 30 seconds, you die."
It seems that shitty hot rods (aka Rat Rods) are now this way too.
Here is a compilation of ACTUAL conversations I have had lately~
"Hey my (neighbor, brother, sister, cousin, whatever) is one of "you guys".
He has a RAT ROD! He wears all of that West Coast Choppers and Orange County Chopper stuff! I'm gonna build me one-a those RAT RODS too. I have a
Datsun b210 and I'm just gonna take the body off and out a bucket on it."
OK here is where Fonzie fucked the shark-
One - that is BIKER clothing, and its "commercial" to boot, so do the simplified math on that.
Two - (and the saddest part) is that PILE OF SHIT will probably make it as a feature in OLD STOOL RODS! It could get a centerfold like "Dirtnap-Hollow backstabber" or whatever that one was called with the paint slapped on the door.
Hot Rods can be cool if they are done traditionally and with some style and talent. Most of them, however, these days are not. Most are junk-yard dogs. Rat Rod has become a condescending term for traditional hot rods, usually spoken by Street rodders. Junk yard dog is much more fitting because it is far more accurately describing the pile of shit you are being forced to look at.
Here are 10 RAT ROD examples of "If you are doing this, you suck dicks."

1. Welding chain or tools or shit like that directly to a body panel for decoration. Why do that?
2. Kick, hit, punch dents in panels that don't have enough so it looks more like a "rat rod" ~Gay.
3. Radials, exposed A-arms and assorted MODERN suspension items. Deep throater.
4. Taking the body of of a modern era compact and dropping a bucket body on. - How queer..
5. Hot Rod styled cars with Semi smoke stacks or organ pipe. - You tongue juggle nuts, don't ya? 6. Themed cars based on cartoon characters or animals or planes. All about the rainbows isnt it? 7. Fuel injection, digital gauges, power anything. Please just go fuck yourself.
8. TUB MEATS on the back and motorcycle wheels on the front. Its "OUT" day in 1982 isn't it?
9. Square headlights, import brakelights, skulls on cover you can buy. aw SCHUCKS, its gay!
10. AIR SCOOPS, CRAGARS, AIR BAGS on hot rods. Go buy a NOVA for fucks sake!

This applies to hot rods... when it comes to kustoms - this list will be MUCH worse.

Is your club an old Kustom or a PT cruiser?

Being in a car club should be like joining the mafia. Please re-read that. It should be like joining the mafia. What do I mean by that? When you join the mafia, you are not only making a personal choice to commit criminal acts for fun and profit, but you are also joining a family and a brotherhood. You may be called upon to do things that are neither easy nor convenient, but you must do them: out of respect for the family and tradition. Furthermore you should not join a club with the intention of "trading up" later on.
It has become (in recent years) "en vogue" to join a car club and then QUIT when it becomes inconvenient. It is popular to "come up with a new club name" and throw together some bylaws (or no bylaws at all) and have shirts printed and plaques made.
What does this add up to? A handful of trendsters who are not committed, in a fly-by-night club that has no history or direction, wearing gear hastily purchased and driving cars either bought or slapped together with the same enthusiasm. Although ideally suited for each other it is a recipe for disaster. Example: If one of your guys leaves the club for what he perceives as a "better" one, how do you view him going forward? You are still in the old club so is he better than you now since he traded up? In public how do you associate with the ex-member?
I was once told by someone, who I feel should rethink their views, that its not about a club with history, but simply the guys in the club. I agree on one level that character matters and it should play a factor before the fella even is considered a prospect, but how "solid" of a club is it with 10 cool fellas in a new club called the Gayassfaggots? Is it all character now? Or how about an ALL PINK CARS requirement?
Consider this: A car club formed yesterday parked next to an actual 50's club with members from 1958 and 1964 in attendance at the show? What is more intriguing? In conversation what do you say in a new club? "Yeah man our club is bad ass! It was formed YESTERDAY! We are all sooo dedicated and we know our shit, and we have history dating back AT LEAST 24 HOURS! You better respect us for hanging in there! Fuck that 50's club!"
So you say that you cannot find a 50's club in the area that you want to join, or will let you in. What to do? Well here is the "work" portion... There are PLENTY of old car clubs with members STILL ALIVE but the club is idle. Go knock on doors, make calls, and ask questions at car shows. If you say that is gonna take too long, then give up on the whole idea because you are too impatient for a club, old cars, or the kulture anyway! Anything worth a damn takes time. Going to shows without a car (painful as it is) builds character. It makes you want your car more, it clarifies things, it gives you ideas,it motivates you to get off your ass and build shit instead of logging 10 billion posts on the HAMB! Finding a car club with a history is equally worth the effort. It gives you a link to the past, which we all strive for in this kulture (if we are honest), and it gives you something to discuss with people you meet. Its 100% worth the effort. In addition, its worth it to stay in it for the long haul.
Look at it like this:
PT Cruisers are new cars that are meant to look like old ones. When you go to a car show, would you rather see: an old vintage kustom, or a tricked out new PT cruiser? Which one would you buy one year from now for the same price you paid for it today? In 5 years? In 10 years? How you answer may tell you things about the kind of car club you want.

Bo Huff...you HAVE to be kidding us!

WHAT?!

Oh c'mon Bo, seriously, you HAVE to be kidding us right? You cant POSSIBLY be so stupid as to think this artwork is cool...You couldn't possibly ever embarrass yourself and use it for say, something as asinine as an ad in a second rate shit serving magazine, like, say, old school (stool) rods would ya? your supposed to be cool, -the maestro, the all knowing hipcat, self proclaimed bad ass and all around groupie king of the kulture aren't ya? You of all people would know when your looking at something that is so obviously GAY. Right? Wouldn't ya?

Please tell us your not just some puffed up spur of the moment STREET ROD builder who is cashing in on an oh so obvious trend, to make yourself look and feel better than you are.

Stop reading this, seriously stop and look in detail at the image we have posted here....Go ahead, we'll wait.....................................................

Stare at it, let it sink in, consider who it is that ONE; would draw this shit, and TWO; who, with SERIOUS intent of furthering his business or professional reputation would use something like this as an ad in a national publication. Frankly, as much as we don't really care for Bo Huff, (or the stuff he builds or the town he lives in) we are embarrassed for him. This ad isn't so much an abomination to good taste as it is insulting to anyone with a shred of common sense, or self propriety. Given the fact that it is without doubt the single worst example of self serving, self agrandizing narcissistic crap we have EVER seen, its just plain fucking stupid.

"oh god why cant my boyfriend drive a bo huff custom?" .....we would pose another question entirely, maybe something like -oh god why cant idiots stop putting shitty ads in worthless magazines? OR -oh god why cant some people see themselves for what they truly are, and not believe the press that they themselves write?

It would appear that Ol Bo has not only been preening a bit much in the mirror of self egotistic propaganda-ism, but it is clear that this guy would rather be in front of a camera lens than custom project. Old Stool rods is replete with pix of his every move, at every possible show and event...Tell us Bo, when do you have time to actually BUILD a car? That is after all what your claim to fame is isn't it? your joe bad ass car builder, aren't ya? As Old stool rods is so frequently eager to remind us, you are THE MAESTRO CAR BUILDER! Cramming unwanted and unneeded pix of you into every single issue of their publication... (in fact, we are waiting for the OSR sponsored toilet cam for Bo, then you can see the maestro take a dump, in real time on the net... ) Although we probably don't have to worry about this much, as we have found that Bo, and his CRACK team of internet professionals cant even keep his site up and running from one day to the next. That's another thing dork, why advertise a website that isn't even working? How bout you email, your artist guy (MAX GRUNDY...According the to ad itself) and tell him to update the artwork to reflect the fact that you indeed have NO working website to speak of ( at least as of the date of this writing 1.1.07) Oh, WAIT, we know why you cant do that, because the fuckstick no talent shitbird who drew this doesn't have a working website EITHER!

Why would we think you could do something as simple as email if you cant even keep a basic website working properly?! For that matter why would we think you can actually build a car beyond that Kansas city back alley abortion of an Oakland roadster show winner that you insist on trotting out every time you feel the need. Honestly Bo, a wood dash and HYDRAULICS?

Yeah, that's REAL traditional isn't it? Tilt column and all...Yeah, that car sets a new standard in what is in keeping with the best traditions of what our kulture represents.

Given the fact that you live in EAST CARBON, Utah, NOT "dragerton" as you so doggedly insist on calling it, maybe your gambling on that fact that such few people would dare travel to that one horse hell hole of a town to actually see forthemselves your operation, that you feel you can get away with this public relations blitz and with luck convince some idiot in Kansas who is trying to graft a ranchero bed onto a model A pickup with mustang II suspension that you are who you "say" you are...but guess what? we have been to your house man, we have seen your digs, your town and your work...you aint all that brother. Not by a long shot. No mater how much you, or some magazine, or groupies want it to be, it simply isn't so pal.

Frankly you are a nice guy, but this recent pattern of behavior to act as some kinda driveway deity has us lost as to what it is your doing or who it is you are. Just fess up to it bro, your a street rod builder , who had his day like, 20 years ago. You've built some mildly acceptable cars, and you have some talent, but that's it....your just another motherfucker who works on cars, PERIOD. Stop reading, writing and believing all this horseshit nonsense that is out there about you. Live your life quietly in east carbon or dragerton, or whatever the fuck your calling that place this week, and leave the kulture stuff to people who actually KNOW what we are talking about.