A magazine METH MAKEOVER

Well we have been saving this topic for a while now.

Yes its time to start nut tapping the various and shitty magazines

that infest our news stands these days.

In point of fact, we have had our eye on more than a few "ezines" that

are deservant of a few taps themselves, but in time that will

come. Wait your turn you internet loosers.

For now, today, we will limit ourselves to actual PUBLISHED magazines. Two in particular.

We refer you to a pair that represent polar opposite ends of the spectrum.

One, "Traditional Rod and Kulture Illustrated" and the other,

"old skool rodz" (the fucking gay assed spelling is THEIR idea, not ours)

The former, although a bit windy on the moniker, is for the most part,

-and lacking any other contender of equal stature- far and away the

most competent of the two publications.

Bent on more than a desire to fist fuck our Kulture for easy profits by

pandering to the automotive equivalents of lindsy lohan,

the crew at TRK seems to be genuinely concerned with covering correct kustoms

and hotrods, and limiting, or outright refusing to feature anything close to a rat rod.

Cars clad in radial white walls need not apply, and anyone who owns the apparel from, or has ever watched an episode of, monster garage from beginning to end - need not bother picking this mag up. Seriously you wont get it, don't bother.

Competent (for the most part) photography, hot broads, and a better than average layout,

takes this magazine to a border line artsy fartsy level.

Maybe best described as a "poor mans Rodders Journal" we gladly give

the boys over there a grade of B+. Keep up the good work, pole pullers

or suffer our wrath.

NOW - the other magazine (and we use that term as loosely as possible)

is suitable for one thing. Fire starter. Everything from the content, to the quality of paper

the rag is printed on, is pure unadulterated garbage.

Your features suck, your layout is non existant, and your featured artists draw at about the same level as a 4th grader with a used set of crayons, and your "pin up models"?

your pin up models are a FUCKING JOKE! On one cover you had the

outright bad taste to feature a flat chested, UGLY assed bitch who calls herself

"cherry doll face" !!!!!!!!!!!?????????????

Are you kidding us?! Goddamn, nonstop coverage of Bo Huff not withstanding,

you put ON YOUR COVER something that has less sex appeal than what my

neighbors dog leaves in tightly wound coils on the front fucking yard!

This self absorbed shit rag excuse of a periodical couldn't find its own ass

with both hands and a fucking flashlight.

Pointless, shallow, pedantic, and just plain worthless. The people responsible for this

kansas city back alley coat hanger abortion of a mag should have their nuts pop riveted

to the wing of a jumbo jet just before take off. Fuck you old STOOL rodz. Fuck you

and the sorry, half assed excuse of a magazine you rode in here on.

NO ONE in this industry or this kulture that has two working fucking brain cells

will have anything to do with you. Hell, even Rodders Journal in its recent article

covering and reviewing ALL current automotive pubs snubbed you mother fuckers

by NOT EVEN MENTIONING YOU IN THE FUCKING ARTICLE!

Lets just call a fucking spade what it is shall we? Lets bottom line this for you

mouth breathing dipshits who think its a good idea to weld barb wire to your

cowl, or TRY to build as shitty a car as possible in a hopeless and vain attempt

at out badassing all the other walking abortions out there at VLV this year.

You (and by "you" we mean OSR and carkulture deluxe) are the MAIN

reason our kulture is in decline. Your the reason some fucking moron in Iowa can

weld up a goddamn tractor cowl and slap it on a stock model T frame, with a

fucking chevette motor and think he is "cool". In short, you miserable shitbags dont

deserve to drink our collected and saved gizz from a years worth of masterbation, after

it was filtered through the dirty asshole of a dead goat, immediatly after it was raped

by a rabid bear who had recently eaten a happless bunch of nuns who went over a cliff

in the parish bus on their way to synchronized dildo practice, or bingo, or whatever the

fuck those idiots do with themselves.

- know what? just Fuck off and die.

Well kiddies, next time we meet, hopefully we will be a bit less angry, and have something

positive and righteous to say...........but we wouldn't bet on it.

Till then, TA!