Manufactured scene in a carbon copied kulture

Like Rat Rods, Myspace has lost its "edge" ( if it ever had one). Many of us still have an account but dont update very often, log-in REALLY infrequently, and its a Christmas miracle if we ever send around a "how many times have you made out in a closet" survey or post whatever. However, still hanging in there, (like people who keep a 2007 Calendar in hopes that it will STAY 2007 if we all believe it hard enough) are the Rat Rodders and manufactured scenesters. It is really pathetic and they show themeselves in pictures posing by people that are perhaps formerly locally famous, but have now become such a joke that they will take hero worship from whoever is willing to dish it out. These scene people also make FORCED SCHEDULED get-togethers where everyone WILL have fun no matter how painful and not fun it really is! They wear clothes from and they style themselves after the discovery channel programs that are NOW MOSTLY CANCELLED. They go to a mediocre or less show and over-photgraph it in hopes that quantity will trump quality. This is a sad pipe dream. They WAAAY over promo each other's myspace in hopes that someone who is MORE of a loser will see this and begin leg-hanging them. This would elevate them socially in their mind, to a "sub-famous" status, having followers or fans. Furthermore, they characterize themselves as "Greasemonkeys" or "builders" and have to tell you WHY you should pay attention to them. An old quote comes to mind: "If you have to say you are, you ain't". The core of the problem is that its a "Monkey see, monkey do" mentality. With no core set of values or sense of style or love for what you are doing, its all fake. Hence the rise of tuners in the 90's. Plus when Vin Diesel is a "tuner" dude in a movie, then the movement just EXPLODES. Spend $6K to get close to the performance of a bone stock Schuck's Chevy 350 motor, which could be had for around $800.... but thats another discussion. Bottom line is that people by and large want it NOW. They want credibility and fame, and they dont want to wait around to earn it. They want to be a builder but don't want to take the time to learn it from someone who REALLY knows what they are doing. They watched someone like Jesse james and made up their mind that "This is what they want" so society as a whole owes them respect and the fame and lifestyle they have chosen. End of the day its fake. Its all fake. If you engage in a manufactured scene you are fake too. Take a minute and look at yourself and compare it to what you have TOLD everyone publically. Are your building skills that great? Is your car that cool and does it really reflect your best work, and this "best work", is it putting others shit work to shame? Are you a "solid bro" and do you dog out other people for not making forced events due to work, yet miss some yourself because of work, but that's different? Do you look around at your posed "club, solid bros, or "cool people" pic and really feel that those people all give two shits about you or are as cool as you have hyped them up to be? How does your "scene" hold up to bullshit> this is the true test. Is your scene one rumor away from collapsing, or do people take the bullshit dished out and STICK AROUND? Do you shit talk each other secretly? Will you stand behind what you say and believe and will the others do likewise? CAN YOU SURVIVE A LOUD DISAGREEMENT? Can you get pissed, but suck it up, present your issue calmly to the other participant involved in the scene and still work towards a resolution or do you shit talk your club, the bros, or others in the "scene" when you are presented with another shoulder to cry on or an open forum at a bullshit session or stupid online MESSAGE BOARD? Can you JUST say something like "It pisses me off that x, y or z, isn't done, but I know the dude is busy. I am going to hit him up about it next week, when his shit has calmed down." Can you do or say that? Most can't. Most people go to the first commiserating ear that is available, or Homosexual Acting Message Board and just FILET their buddy in the scene's reputation just to make themselves feel better temporarily. Regret will not fix it either. but a CLOSED MOUTH would have. Although foreign in current society's victimology, taking personal responsibility for your actions and having faith that your friend is the same person today as he was yesterday and just because he didn't wave once at a restaurant or out driving DOES NOT mean that HE'S FULL ON FADING YOU! I have a news flash - people stare off into space and miss shit 1 foot in front of them sometimes. It happens. Grow up. Also, people get tired and grouchy and have bad days... this is not just isolated to you and your myopic, selfish and self centered view of the world. People may bite your head off today, get a good nights sleep and then manage to save your fucking bacon tomorrow, and most likely be apologetic when you present it to them after they are rested. The true test of character is staying by your friend through that and managing your stupid gut responses. IF everyone in your "scene" does that, and doesn't try to fake a life, then you have nothing to worry about. Do you have anything to worry about, Super-greaser-rat-rodder-109095 @myspace.com?

R.I.P Rat Rods and god willing, your poser drivers.

I am going to go out on a limb here and call it.

RAT RODS ARE DEAD.

To many of us, they never were real in the sense of an actual car style, they were always a bad joke and an insult leveled at traditional hot rodders. When the "term" rat rod and its questionable styling cues extended into the realm of "kustom-associated cars" (essentially 40's to 1964 obviously), then it was apparent that the clueless were perpetuating the bad joke, and bordering on just fucking with us.

I use the term "us" to denote the true believers; those with STANDARDS, people who understand the difference between "rust" and "patina", people who know that DAMMIT there is a difference between White wall bias ply tires and White Wall RADIALS, Generator vs. Alternator, and understands that Hot Rods and kustoms are two mutually exclusive styles and can identify on sight which is which; Essentially, only people who "get it".

Please save your bullshit about, "But I still see them" or "They were dead years ago"...if that's all you have to add, then please go cram your head up your ass (but I bet its already up there isn't it?) I have no time for juvenile arguments that add nothing to this discussion.

What I am referring to is that, even the true Jesse James watching, Sat at VLV attending, myspace, wtfelolroflmaoirl idiots who think that everything needs chopped, use a hammer first, paint in all flat black and have 1000 skulls glued to it are starting to back away from the trend. Ebay rat rod sales are down, new "rat rod" sites are not happening and these poser fucks are starting to disappear from the public eye and from hot topic.

Why is this happening?

Its time for their transitory asses to move on to the "next big thing". This gum has lost its flavor, and kicking door panels in and welding barbed wire to it is not garnering the attention it used to so they are back to being "one in a series" just like in their computer club at school, or their old motorcycle club that they were too cool for, or skateboarding, or whatever rock they crawled out from under. Add to this that they have no car building skills and will have to admit to themselves that they have no eye for art. This kulture is not accepting of everyone, it is not "kind", it is not "understanding" - it has STANDARDS. Some may accuse it of being sexist, I would say "More than the 40's or 50's?"- Since thats where most of our hearts are. If the past doesn't interest you, then move the fuck on. This kulture is not meant to "evolve. Change yes, evolve - NO. I am unsympathetic, I spit on rat rodding's grave, and I will hold the door for posers to exit STAGE LEFT from "our thing". Fuck off, and please, lose this kulture's number. This is a nasty break-up where hopefully your plane crashes.

Bottom line: NO ONE CARES FOR THEM ANYMORE!

"That huge goat fuck in the desert" VLV '08

Ok boys and girls, its time to bust some more balls. The spot light today is on a special group of tard trans rejects, ALL of whom include ANYONE that has ANYTHING to do with Viva Looser Vegas. Participant or attendee, we see no difference in culpability...if you were there, you deserve to have a pair of recently severed elephant balls shoved down your stupid fucking throat.

being held as we write this, the pictures you see here are in fact a couple of this years participants. Moreover, they are typical of the absolute garbage you would be inundated with had you in fact gone yourself.

But we digress. Lets start at the top of the shit heap with the "organizer" and promoter of the event, Tom Ingram(picture above right). This self aggrandizing pool of pig vomit got his monkey ass chased out of his home nation of England for single Handedly fucking up Hembsby to the point that his life was getting threatened.

So, its a quick hop across the pond, to the colonies, where he promptly sets up shop in Orange County, cozies up to the Shifters car club, and sets about to make his own event. Thus Viva LasVegas (or VLV) is born.

From day ONE this goat fuck of an event has been nothing short of a disaster. Cars have been wrecked, or stolen - parts regularly come up missing, fights are a common occurrence...everything from a 3 to 4 guy beat down, to full on gang fights (one year, vendor friends of ours were advised by local security to vacate the property at once, as there was going to be a biker feud erupting on the parking garage at any second). In fact, people have DIED at this miserable fucking get together.

All for what? So this Ingram bloke can line his pockets with a few green backs.

Fuck that.

The funny thing is, that in all our years of being involved with our kulture, and car shit in general, we have never seen an event so closely follow the mindset of the organizer. Take greedy guys as an example. although the HNIC of that organization is as two faced and money grubbing as Ingram is, the events have, and are, at least tolerable to attend. (Not that we would find our selves dead at one) -

But Viva is different...its a shitty show hosted by a shitty guy, and attended by a mob of mouth breathers that wouldn't know a traditional car if they vomed cheap beer on it.

Take a look at the shit we posted here, just a couple of SHINNING examples of what you'll see there, year after year....Seriously, a FOUR door shit can with badly mounted FAKE spots, and radial white walls. A "hotrod" with blackwall RADIAL tires, a small block that looks like it JUST got pulled from a bracket car, and AMBER TURN SIGNALS!!! (look in the background of that picture for an added nugget of goodness, as some fuckstick is PURPOSELY showing off a 50's something 4door cranbrook for fucks sake! Make the madness stop!).

Convinced of their own sense of superiority, these jack offs actually build this shit on purpose, and then have the audacity to publicly display it. The whole thing is one giant stinking cocktrastrophy from begining to end.

The unintended side effect of all this is of course that it cheapens and dilutes what TRUE Kustom Kulture is.

Uninitiated street folk who otherwise hold down regular jobs, pay their taxes, and are likely to vote this November see this garbage and accept it as status quo for those in primer. Or worse yet, some poor smuck in Iowa who has seen glimpses of what he/she thinks the kulture is supposed to be, see's all the hoopla associated with a show of this type and figures, "well, goddamn, looky there, those cars and people are cool!"

Well, truth is, of course, they aren't. Never have been and never will be.

Make no mistakes, and have no illusions about this troops...there is a line drawn in the desert every year. The only question is, what side of that line do you stand on? What do you stand FOR?! You want a shot at the title, or a seat by the band?

Live our Kulture, immerse yourself in it. Learn its history, know who matters in our scene TODAY. Don't let yourself be distracted by an otherwise mealy mouth bunch of jackjawed yoyaks who couldn't find their asses with both hands and flashlight.

In short, Fuck Tom Ingram. Fuck VLV. And finally, and most importantly fuck anyone and everyone who has anything at all to do with this huge goat fuck.

What the fuck are you thinking? Feb 29th 2008

By a wide measure this HAS to be the outright dumbest fucking thing we have seen in a while.
Just when you thought that the rat rod mouthbreathers had begun to beat a hasty retreat to whatever fungus infested cave they crawled out from, this unmitigated disaster rares its hideous chud fucking head.
Feel free to read the owners, (and oh so proud) builders own description recently pulled from Ebay(item no: 170197412703).

If you're gonna hang out with Rat Rodders sooner or later somebody will need a Tow Truck. Here it is a fully functioning Rat Tow Truck. Started life as a 1948 Diamond T Truck. Running gear is Dodge motor home, motor is a 440 Big Block Dodge with a purple shaft cam. Air bags on all corners, vintage beacon light, electric winch. Sling can be taken off if you want to pull a trailer. Drives like a Truck because it is a Truck.
Went to Tony's Traditional Trash Party in Sandhollow Idaho, Got drunk I know I was there because I got a T-shirt and pictures to prove it. Can't wait for the 08' party. Had it a Bonniville salt flats for 07' Speed week Big Hit. Received several Awards at the local drag strip ( Firebird Raceway.)
Had a lot of fun with it. Time to move on to the next build.
Serious bidders only. If you can't pay you don't need to play. ( Possible delivery for price. )
If you have any questions you can email or call Randy @ 208-462-4303


The shear idiocy of this is perhaps best summed up in the first sentence, "if you're gonna hang out with Rat Rodders sooner or later somebody will need a tow truck."
HA! yeah, no shit! that's the whole fucking point you goddamn moron! Why would you build a car that then caters to that need? Judging from what we see here on the pictures, we wouldn't be surprised if this tow truck NEEDS a tow truck itself.
wouldn't it be a more worthwhile endeavor to say, build cars just a tad bit better than totally fucking awful, that could actually get someplace under their own power, say without a chance of catastrophic failure, or the better than even chance that your hunk O shit is gonna kill you, or worse yet someone else?!
Building a tow truck for ratrods is tantamount to playing Russian roulette with a gun with ALL the chambers loaded, and inviting your friends to watch.
You know its going to be a disaster before you even get started, so why do it to begin with?!

Again what we see here is someone who measures their self worth by how much of a supposed bad ass they think they can be. As evidenced by the sellers braggadocios reference that he went to some obscure fucking car show, got drunk, probably got ass raped ,and got a t-shirt for his trouble. Congratulations fuckstick, you are now at the top of the list of people we want to see have brain surgery performed on without anethstetic.

At least he did do ONE thing right here, and that was provide us with a picture of himself, so now we know to be on the lookout for a bald headed, dimwitted jackass, who thinks he can build cool cars.
We think we are gonna photoshop him out of this picture, and post his "stance" on the child molesters watch list network.
Fuck off pal, go back to moesting sheep, and leave cars alone.

What the fuck are you thinking 2-10-08

The latest in our "what the fuck are you thinking" articles brings us this total disaster of a ratrod custom. Surely destined to be a cover car in an equally shitty magazine like, old school rods or Car Kulture Deluxe. Looking at this unviable tissue mass shit can of an automobile is akin to watching George Bush and Hillary Clinton cross swords, and have a cock fight. ( were guessing Hillary would win, as we're SURE she has a bigger dick).

If the TOTALY flat top and complete lack of a roof line isnt enough for ya, or the hidious fin treatment, there is always that fucked up sorry assed excuse of a grill to stare at all day. This abortion on wheels cant win coming OR going....

We've seen some cars that you cant find a bad angle on, in contrast this fucking thing we cant find a GOOD angle ANYWHERE!

The obvious questions are as follows....ONE: who would build such a thing on purpose, and then have the unmittigated temarity to show it in public? and TWO: why hasnt someone killed the mother fucker responsible for "building" and unleashing this unholly craptastic lump of babboon shit on us?!

Quick question for you out there .....where are all you jackasses that are always the first ones to tell us that we have to give guys like this credit for at least trying to build something? You want to speak up now? Want to give this knuckle shuffler credit for THIS?!

IF ever you should be convienced that some people should have NOTHING to do with building cars, this ought to convince you. Chances are, this moron has the lifestyle (or what he thinks is the lifestyle) down cold...believing he is the badest thing to come to car building since Blo Puff. Perfect hair, ironed levis with huge cuffs and the ability to reciet from memory every fucking sorry assed social D song ever recorded doth not a car builder make. Swing and miss skippy, go back and try again.

See, ziper head, thats the problem with always using moral relativism, it dosent fucking work! Sorry, but you HAVE to have some core values here. building shit just for the sake of doing it, aint gonna make it bro.

Oh, boo hoo, you guys have standards and are making fun of the short bus kids......HA!! um, yeah, we are!

Cause as long as open mouth, drooling, jackasses build cars like this, we are going to make as much fun of em as we can.

Its fun for us, gives you guys something to read, and hopefully someday, will make people who build garbage like this give up and go back to driving a Kia.

thats enough for now, we are off to enjoy some white wine and a fine selection of continental cheeses.

Ciao babies!

What the fuck are you thinking? Jan 26 2008

Well boys and girls, as promised in the previous post, here is the first in our instalments on

badly built cars that one way or the other, come to someones attention here at Kulture Kops.

We are going to call these posts; WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING? and then the corresponding date when it was posted...SO here is our first offering to offend your sensabilities....Take a good look at this unreal and unmitigated PIECE OF DOG SHIT! Found this week on ebay as item #180210880480 (feel free to look it up for yourself)
We give you this horrid disaster of an abortion 59 ElCamino.
The only thing funnier than how this piece of shit looks, is how lame the description
is that was writtin to TRY to make you believe this tin turd is "cool"
Read on, and enjoy..................

1959 EL CAMINO THIS IS THE ULTIMATE CUSTOM KAT DADDY RAT ROD!!!!!!!!!!!
OK BOYS AND GIRLS, THIS IS THE ONE YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR.
THIS CAR SAT FOR OVER 10 YEARS PRIOR TO US GETTING OUR GRUBBY LITTLE HANDS ON IT.
CUSTOM RAT ROD.
BODY CUSTOMIZED IN THE 60's BY FAMED ROD EXPERT WAYNE DECAMP OUT OF KANSAS.
IT WAS NEVER FOR SALE UNTIL HE LOST HIS SIGHT 12 OR SO YEARS AGO.
2" CHOP TOP.
1970 BUICK 455 ENGINE.
1970 BUICK 2 SPEED AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION.
FACTORY 308 REAR END.
ALUMINUM BE COOL RADIATOR.
ELECTRIC RADIATOR FAN.
OPTIMUM BATTERY.
NEW BRAKE SYSTEM TO INCLUDE:
(FRONT DISC CONVERSION INCLUDING NEW ROTORS, CALIPERS, ROTORS, LINES FRONT TO BACK.)
POWER 60/40 BENCH SEAT BUICK WITH ARM REST.
METALFLAKE UPOLSTRY.
ALL SHEET METAL IS GOOD.
REPLACED ROCKER PANELS WITH NEW AFTERMARKET PANELS.
REPLACED LOWER QUARTER PANELS WITH NEW AFTERMARKET PANELS.
REPLACED REAR FLOOR PANS WITH NEW AFTERMARKET METAL.
GUAGES WORK EXCEPT SPEEDOMETER.
FACTORY RADIO WILL ONLY HUM.
ALL GRAPHICS AND PINSTRIPING ARE PAINTED METALFLAKE (NO DECALS).
THERE ARE A FEW SMALL SCREW HOLES IN THE HOOD WHERE WE PREVIOUSLY HAD SOME FAKE HOOD SCOOPS. WE COULDN'T BEAR TO PART WITH THE SCOOPS. WE HAVE TO HAVE THEM FOR OUR NEXT PROJECT.
PAINT IS ULTRA FLAT BLACK WITH METALFLAKE GRAPHICS.
RUNS STRONG.
YES THOSE VERTICAL PIPES ARE THE ACTUAL EXHAUST.
TO TOP IT ALL OFF IT WE PAINTED ONE OF THE GRILL TEETH GOLD.
LIKE WE SAID "THE ULTIMATE RAT ROD"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! you HAVE to be kidding us? the fucking asshole :world famous wayne decampo who, by the way NONE OF US HAS EVER FUCKING HEARD OF-who built this went blind
after he built it??!! are you sure, cause it looks to us like he was pretty fucking blind WHILE he was building
it. There is so much here to pick at its almost overwhelming, but the stand out items, have to be the lame assed zoomies, and completly STUPID idea of combining flames AND scallops. So, what do we have then, something new? SCLAMES perhaps?! The run away BAD idea on this thing though has to be that the fucktards who "built" this thing, actually painted ONE of the grill knobs GOLD! like some looser nigger rap star, this fucking shit can of a car has its shit dialed with gold all up in his greealllll, dog...mad, stupid, props to you for thinkin of this!
geeezustittyfuckingdeadjewcarpenter! Please do us a favor there von COCKSUCKER daddy, light your car on fire, with you in it, just before you self inflict an enourmous gun shot wound to your worthless fucking head.
You couldnt build you way out of a wet paper bag.

Correct Kustoms NEVER suck!

Looking at these two works of art, you may ask yourself, self: Is there such a thing as an incorrect kustom? Well Duh, YEAH! do ya think? One look at ebay, or 5 seconds at just about ANY car show in the country (especially if your east of the Mississippi river) will show you just how fucked up someone can build a car. However, it has become abundantly clear to us, that more than some of you need help in your education. Being able to recognize a correct car should be more a matter of pre programed genetic normality. However, we recognize that there are those of you out there that come from, well...... "less than perfect" genetic stock.

As a by product of a drunken nights excess between two siblings, we cant expect all of you to actually be able to understand what it is we are talking about. And thus will have to be shown, just what it is, that is, and isn't acceptable. Yes, we will do the thinking for you, and moreover, we will show you here, using graphic pictures, and little words, so that you can understand what it is we are trying to teach you little heathens, about our / your kulture.

Roughly every week or so, we will display a car that we have found, seen, or otherwise had our attention drawn too, that is wrong in just about every way possible.

We will take you by the hand, and explain in great detail why it isn't correct, and why you should avoid ever building such a thing, or wast even one second lavishing any kind of attention at all upon said turd. Prepare you selves my babies, and let us quell your thirst. But first wash you hands, and comb your hair...honestly, your a fucking mess.

See you back here soon!